We are divided between those who think with their heads and those who know with their heart. Consider Harriet Miers. If you think about Harriet Miers, of course her nomination is absurd. But the President didn't say he thought about his selection. He said this: "I know her heart." Notice how he said nothing about her brain? He didn't have to. He feels the truth about Harriet Miers.

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.