If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.