I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.

Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ

If I ever succumbed to the demon on my shoulder going, "You should get something special because you're famous," that is the moment that my behavior will be caught on social media for all time. I'm even afraid to use it to get a reservation. This is the person who will tweet, "Can you believe what this a-hole did?"

It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.