People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
Stephen ColbertIf our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Stephen ColbertSixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen ColbertContraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
Stephen Colbert