If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty. People love the president because he's certain of his choices as a leader, even if the facts that back him up don't seem to exist. It's the fact that he's certain that is very appealing to a certain section of the country. I really feel a dichotomy in the American populace. What is important? What you want to be true, or what is true?

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.