Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy.

Cynicism is an enormous problem. I'm actually a hopeful person. But the way to stay hopeful is to acknowledge and to not accept what is absolutely amoral, mentally ill behavior as normal.

Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.

If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.