In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

I used to play a narcissistic-conservative pundit. Now, I'm just a narcissist.

Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.

Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.