In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera.

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.

I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it's an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you're talking about politics or the media.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.