In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.

When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.

I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.

Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.

President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.