Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I didn't mention bears. It's winter, they're asleep, I didn't think it would be a problem. But today I see this in the Toronto Globe and Mail -- apparently a 700-pound polar bear showed up at a children's hockey game. I've said this before, they're after our kids -- they're tender, juicy, you don't even have to throw away the bones.

I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.

I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.