There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

A lot of people have said, "Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away."

I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.

There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.

New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.