There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

Baby carrots are making me gay.

Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.

I'm getting angry at liberals.

I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.