There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely.

It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.

Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.