God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
Stephen ColbertNaturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen ColbertI'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely.
Stephen Colbert