It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.

Equations are the devil's sentences.

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'