I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.

I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!

Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

The worst thing about affirmative action is that it encourages reverse discrimination, so-called because it goes in the opposite way of how we naturally discriminate.

I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.

Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?

Evil exists because of the disobedience of Satan. God gave Satan, and the angels, and man free will. Satan used his free will and abused it by not obeying authority. Hell was created by Satan’s disobedience to God, and his purposeful removal from God’s love—which is what hell is. Removing yourself from God’s love. You send yourself to hell. God does not send you there.