I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

There's a buzz to failing and not dying.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.