We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.

Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.