We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.

I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. We don't lead, we only follow. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your work.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.