Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.

If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?