Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal.

The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!

I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera.

My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.