I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera.

You seem cynical because you're always talking about that selfish behavior that's dressed up as altruism. It doesn't mean there isn't altruism. It just means that it's harder to make jokes about altruism.

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.