I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

There hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDACTED).

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.