Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once."

Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all. But the people who do go to a lecture and who get tired of it, presently hold it as a sort of grudge against the lecturer personally. In reality his sufferings are worse than theirs.

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

I owe a lot to my teachers and mean to pay them back some day.

Being a specialist is one thing, getting a job is another.

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.