Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!

Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" in order to avoid libel suits.