On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!

Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.

Anybody who has listened to certain kinds of music, or read certain kinds of poetry, or heard certain kinds of performances on the concertina, will admit that even suicide has its brighter aspects.