Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

Any two meals at a boarding-house are together less than two square meals.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use English for literature, Scotch for sermons, and American for conversation.

It was Einstein who made the real trouble. He announced in 1905 that there was no such thing as absolute rest. After that there never was.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once."

The English are terribly lazy about fighting. They like to get it over and done with and then set up a game of cricket.