Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

Chess is one long regret.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it.

A silk dress in four sections, and shoes with high heels that would have broken the heart of John Calvin.

When actors begin to think, it's time for a change. They are not fitted for it.