Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.

It's harder when people are playing along, because it's just not as funny. They're trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke.

Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are.

I've waited my entire life to be busy. Whenever I hear actors complain about being busy, I think, 'shut up.' Because you do, you wait to be successful or to be able to work.

I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful.

There's very little you could do to prepare to be a correspondent on The Daily Show, because it's not being a journalist, it's not being an actor. It involves elements of both of those things, but they're not required necessarily as job experience. It's helpful if you know how to improvise, but again, not a requirement.