I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.

I love doing my surreal sing-along that had words that no one could follow.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

You know, there's a moment when you're famous when it's unbearable to go out because you're too famous. And then there's a moment when you're famous just right.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.