My most persistent memory of stand - up is of my mouth being in the present and my mind being in the future: the mouth speaking the line, the body delivering the gesture, while the mind looks back, observing, analyzing, judging, worrying, and then deciding when and what to say next. Enjoyment while performing was rare - enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that comedy cannot afford.

When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it all in. I didn't know you were supposed to just stand up and tell jokes. Essentially, that's what my act became: those five elements - except I dropped the poetry.

You can't really conduct your life by one or two phrases.

The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.