Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

I just wanted to be in show business. I didn't care if I was going to be an actor or a magician or what. Comedy was a point of the least resistance, really. And on the simplest level, I loved comedy.

There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.