I just don't identify myself with a place. I just don't get it. Like, why am I cheering for this town? Towns are good and bad but they don't have principles, constitutions. You wouldn't go to war for your town.

With comedy, you have no place to go but more comedy, so you're never off the hook.

I've run into people in my life who were so dramatic; people who are so extreme and so frustrating to be around that you end up thinking about them and talking about them for literally years after your experience with them is over.

I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork.

There's no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.

There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.

I don't watch myself gener­ally. I do something, see it once, and then I'll probably never see it again unless it's an accident.