It's spooky to look at yourself, because you are never quite what you think you are. And you are never as good looking as the person you are acting with, or something like that. So I learned to stay away from it because it was giving me more negative feelings than positive ones.

I've decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn't getting enough tar.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

There's no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.

I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That's the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth.

You have to get comfortable [with your work], you really have to know what you're doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.