Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.

I wish I could do a lot of things different. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but if I had a list of all my films right now, I'd go, 'Okay, I'll cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out.' Really. But I've made over 40 films. How can I not have some losers in there?

There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.