Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, because it's just its own reward. It's sort of like heaven.

The thing about the banjo is when you first hear it, it strikes many people as what's that? There's something very compelling about it to certain people.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.

Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity."

I am a wild and crazy guy!