Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars