If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.

I think when the movie `Roxanne' came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies are illogical. 2) Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3) Illogical persons are despised. Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2) No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3) All of your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4) No affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting.

Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.

I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl's leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.