I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?

I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork.

I really enjoy the social aspects of music as much as anything.

... you're nuts but you're welcome here.

He gave her his phone number, in a peculiar reversal of dating procedure. She might have considered kissing him, even after the horrible first date, but he just didn’t seem to know what to do. However, Jeremy does have one outstanding quality. He likes her. And this quality in a person makes them infinitely interesting to the person who is being liked.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

I am a wild and crazy guy!