The Royal family to me are not England, and they are not the flag.

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform...and so you think you can be rude to me.

I called to wish you an unhappy birthday because you're evil and you lie and if you should die I may feel slightly sad, but I won't cry.

Popular music is slowly being laid to rest in every conceivable way... the ashes are already about us if we could but notice them.

I don't iron anything. Never have and never will.

The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it's not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It's because of Beyonce's handbags.

No British politician has ever been more despised by the British people than Margaret Thatcher.