Life is a very serious business for the simple reason that nobody dies laughing.

I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong.

There are some bad people on the rise; they're saving their own skins by ruining people's lives.

The only thing that could possibly save British politics would be Margaret Thatcher's assassin.

If met Vic Reeves, I'd have no desire other than to smack him in the face.

When they bury me in a church and chuck earth on my grave, I'd like the words 'Well, at least he tried' engraved on my tombstone.

I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke.