Don't think this has taught me a lesson !

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

I've had a man and I've had a woman, and there's got to be something better.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.