Don't think this has taught me a lesson !

[To the man who came up to her at a party and exclaimed effusively, 'Tallulah! I haven't seen you for 41 years!':] I thought I told you to wait in the car.

If you know your Bible and your Shakespeare and can shoot craps, you have a liberal education.

There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work - the night watchman.