The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and - .BANG! - there you are in someone's living room.

Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.