I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

I have been absolutely hag-ridden with ambition. If I could wish to have anything in the world it would be to be free of ambition.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.