Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and - .BANG! - there you are in someone's living room.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

I'm not at my best when I moralize or philosophize. Logic is elusive, especially to one who so rarely uses it.

There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise lounge as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.

I've had a man and I've had a woman, and there's got to be something better.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.