Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.

Will TV kill the theater? If the programs I have seen, save for "Kukla, Fran and Ollie," the ball games and the fights, are any criterion, the theater need not wake up in a cold sweat.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.