Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.

(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.

I've been called many things, but never an intellectual.

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

I have enemies I've never met - that's fame.