I'm as pure as the driven slush.

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and - .BANG! - there you are in someone's living room.

A Republican. A Republican. That's worse than being a goddamned Communist!

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.