(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and - .BANG! - there you are in someone's living room.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.