Griffin, my brother, 11 months younger, was sometimes the victim of my father's fury - once Ryan famously knocked out his teeth.

Ryan finally came to my rescue. He'd thought working together in Paper Moon would help us bond.

I never dreamed that shooting a film would be so hard. There was less regulation then of child actors' hours. Even the concept of acting confused me.

I remained Ryan's companion on the Hollywood party circuit, growing inured to sex and drugs before I was in my teens.

The more love I craved, the more distant and abusive he grew. The role I longed to play was never written into Ryan's script: daughter.

When someone was hitting me, or like sexually molesting me, it just seemed normal to continue to do that to myself.

My children forgave me at a time when I could barely forgive myself.