They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to. This book is dedicated to those fine men.

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

Granny Weatherwax was firmly against fiction. Life was hard enough without lies floating around and changing the way people thought.

They always gives me bath salts," complained Nobby. "And bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff and I can't think why, 'cos it's not as if I hardly ever has a bath. You'd think they'd take the hint, wouldn't you?

It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works.

A horse's skull always looks scary, even if someone has put lipstick on it.

And never resist a perfect moment.