The only real difference between me and chocolate pudding is that I am not a black man.

I sometimes have birthday parties for the kids in my neighborhood and then pretend to suggest that I am going to molest them to the parents. It's a hilarious prank even though I am not a paedophile.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

Ironically my brother died in a car accident shortly after Airbag was recorded. He's not an identical twin so I didn't care.

I bought a blimp just so I could get a bunch of wankers excited over nothing, what did you do with your weekend?

I could not extrapolate some emotion from any song after 1997 so I bought a drum machine and popped pills. The pink ones make me funny like elephants!

I'm celibate. It's not that I'm a religious or moral person or anything, it's just, if you aren't ****ing Thom Yorke, what's the point? Actually, just kidding, Thom Yorke and I **** all the time. Hehehe. Had you.