I named my son Noah for the same reason Chris Martin named his apple: we're asses.

My dad spent his whole life getting into fights for telling what he believed to be the truth. Basically it comes from my dad-and he's screaming right-wing, so there you are.

I stopped showering ever since I realized water causes people to drown. I cannot risk being so close to something that can murder me. Do you let killers into your house? Oh, but you let a murderer come out of your own faucet. Hypocrite.

If I was made of chocolate I would melt myself in a car to ruin the interior.

To protest, I stood in the place of a waste receptacle and opened my mouth. That's how I lost my virginity *laughs*

I once got hit with a taser at a concert and everyone thought I was dancing. Now I have to do that dance, at every show for the rest of my life, or admit that a taser can damage the Thom Yorke

Maybe I'm not the gloaming witches smart, but at least I'm not our stupid liffey hamburger mongrels