What the hell am I doing here?

Have I told you I have cancer? It's a very special kind of cancer. Cancer of the soul.

People sometimes say we take things too seriously, but it's the only way you'll get anywhere.

I'm terrible at jigsaw puzzles. Other people solve the puzzle but I just keep trying to make the pieces that don't fit fit. I guess that's what makes me special, I try to assemble jigsaw puzzles incorrectly.

I recently enrolled at an elementary school and they accepted me. I am finally going to get revenge on those kids that beat me up as a boy, assuming they are still attending.

Chicken Little change my life when I was younger. I had no idea chickens could talk *laughs*.

I'm glad I escaped the clutches of those evil gnomes... I'm talking, of course, about Puerto Ricans.