Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.
The grand tune is the only thing in music that the great public really understands.
Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on.
Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle.
It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.