The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.

If she is attractive, I can't perform with her; if she is not, then I won't.

If an opera cannot be played by an organ grinder, it's not going to achieve immortality.

When asked whether he minded if someone smoked in a non-smoking compartment. Certainly not if you don't object if I'm sick.

At a rehearsal I let the orchestra play as they like. At the concert I make them play as I like.

Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man.

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory.