Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it.

No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep.

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.

Too much counterpoint; what is worse, Protestant counterpoint.

We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.

Elgar's first symphony is the musical equivalent of St Pancras Railway Station.