Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on.
The grand tune is the only thing in music that the great public really understands.
The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
As you'll never hear the thing again, my boy, why not throw in a couple of brass bands?