Without question the most unpopular medium of musical sound in the world.

I find brass bands have a melancholy sound. All right out of doors, of course - fifty miles away. Like bagpipes, they turn what had been a dream into a public nuisance.

No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep.

If she is attractive, I can't perform with her; if she is not, then I won't.

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started

A soprano in Massenet's Don Quixote complained that she had missed her entry in the aria, "because Mr. Challiapin always dies too soon." "Madam, you must be profoundly in error," said Sir Thomas, "No operatic star has yet died half soon enough for me."

Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle.