A musicologist is a man who can read music but cannot hear it.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started

The sound of the harpsichord resembles that of a bird-cage played with toasting-forks.

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.

"Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some."

Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.