If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!

I think the philosophy will continue to be what it always was; which was, let's keep throwing a bunch of things at the wall, and see what sticks.

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

Researches reported that they developed a self-healing plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.