I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?

Just say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

My problem with the traditional acting method was that I never understood what you were supposed to be thinking about when you're onstage.

You can fix it as soon as you get up - you brush and use mouthwash - but there’s something about knowing you woke up with hot-mothball mouth that makes you feel old. I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave.

You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It only makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.

I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did - Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.