The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

I'm not that good looking... nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.

Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body's totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way.